So you know when you try really hard at something, failure is that much more difficult to take than if you really didn't try! I have felt like I was really trying to do everything so right and it just wasn't happening at all the way I wanted it to go...not my parenting, not my attempts at being a godly wife, not my finances, not even my relationship with God, nothing!!!
My quiet time with the Lord was consistent, every morning for 76 days to be exact. Everyday I was in the word, in prayer and I kept waiting for the big moment. The moment I would be rewarded for my obedience and all my big prayers were finally going to be answered. That I was going to wake up and be a different person. An incredibly sweet, gentle person with such a spirit of the Lord that it just exuded from me and caught the attention of everyone around me.
Well it was not happening!! In fact, because I was trying so hard and expecting so much...the opposite was happening. I began to wonder what God was doing, where was He. Even my quiet time with Him felt lonely...and then I got sick and missed some mornings. And now I am struggling to even get out of bed every morning.
God keeps reminding me of a vision He gave me a couple months ago. When I first started wondering why I couldn't feel Him, why I couldn't see Him. Why He wasn't answering my prayers. This vision is so precious to me and gives me so much hope and even now I am getting so excited to write it down so that it will never be lost!
I'm sitting on the ground in prayer with my legs crossed, my face tilted up to Jesus and my eyes closed. My hands are lifted halfway with my palms facing heaven....waiting to receive all that Jesus has for me. And then I get showered on by little snowflake looking things. They are beautiful and sparkly....they are amazing. They are falling all around me, and I began to grab at some....holding the tangible gifts from God in my hands.
Through this God was showing me that He has been here. That He has been working in my life and answering my prayers, blessing me.....abundantly. I just couldn't see it because I was so focused on the big things.....on my failures.
Sometimes we need to stop and look at all the little things, the little blessings. They usually will pile on each other and turn into the big thing eventually!
I am so thankful for all that God has done, for giving me this picture of His tangible gifts. They really are all around us....He just wants us to look a little deeper sometimes.
